Take From Me, My Empire
by karapuui
Summary: Over a decade after their marriage-day, things are falling apart. They are so damaged in ways Zero cannot understand. Kaname doesn't want to talk about it - as usual, he has his secrets he's not telling, but if they are to fix what has been broken Zero must unravel the truth. Once again, he's fighting the man he loves but hardly knows.
1. When We Two Parted

**Author's Note:**

**Oh my darlings, it has been too long!**

**Apologies for the long wait. I had to think up some stuff for this sequel, you know; hopefully it'll be some ****really good ****stuff. I tend to make rough plans in my head but let the story write itself, so as always I welcome your input via reviews or PMs.**

**Aaah, remember those early days of ABFOB? If you read it from the start of its publication, you'll remember what a dedicated writer I was, publishing pretty much ****daily ****for the first twenty or so. **

**Unfortunately I don't see this happening this time around. I think far too much about things now - I **_**over-think**_**. I spent six days thinking of a title, for crying out loud (and it's still liable to change). Also, I'm now a second-year student. Apparently the work-load is gonna rise exponentially which is freaking **_**terrifying**_** cos I thought first year was a struggle.**

**On top of this - I don't want to talk too much about this - but this summer has been a disaster. My father has taken ill. It's _very_ serious. I think it's important, for ****him, ****that I try to stay optimistic and work hard at school. I've made him that promise - that I will work very hard, so all my efforts will be put ther****e firstly. Any inspiration and time left over will be put into **_**this**_**_,_ but I hate to tell you that I have to sleep somewhere in all of this. **_**Sleep**_**_._ Tch. How _lame._**

**You guys are so super understanding, but I thought it was only fair to let you know in advance that updates aren't going to be as frequent or regular as back then. My bursts of creative flow come sporadically. I have no idea if the story plot will be affected by my low moods, but hey - that will be quite interesting to see, psychology-wise. **

**Joking aside, I'm not asking for sympathy or condolences or any of that stuff - I'm not gonna _refuse_ it either, but guys - ****this ****is my way of coping. I don't cry nearly enough because writing fiction makes the real world pains more distant - I want to keep this thing here my ****_happy place_. ****Okay? I want everyone reading this to ****_forget the depressing stuff I've just said _****and just read the ****_story_ ****please. Enjoy it. That's all I ask. That's all I want. If you get sad, I want it to be because of the angstiness of the plot (how I love torturing the poor characters... sorry Hino-senpai) or how I touch your heart with ze romance~ (that thing in your eye? zat shall be ze _smut_).**

**Don't let any of my problems drag you down, or you'll be dragging me with you! Let's write this story together and see if we can get a happy ending from it, okay? Okay. **

**(I guess it's obvious to you now that I was lying before and actually haven't even a ****rough ****plan in mind, just an idea. The end chapter of AFBOB was clear in my head from the start - it was my target, but this time - _hehe,_ there isn't one. Let's just hope we're not gonna end up with another 100-chapter monster!)**

**Loads of love,**

**puui x**

**PS: DISCLAIMER - I DON'T OWN VAMPIRE KNIGHT OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. HINO-SENPAI DOES.**

**WARNING: PROFANITY AND OCCASIONAL VIOLENCE/GORE, POSSIBLE SMUT IN FUTURE (IF I'M BRAVE ENOUGH- okay I will, you guys put up with me enough for some 'reward'... guh), AND PROMISED MPREG**

* * *

_Beneath the stain of time__  
__The feeling disappears__  
__You are someone else__  
__I am still right here_

**_ ~when we two parted~_******

Other than the sound of papers rustling and the near constant scratching of a nib on paper, it is blessedly quiet, only the occasional crackle of wood burning in the fireplace breaks the otherwise repetitive rhythms of the room. Nevertheless, he sits restlessly - eyes dry and bloodshot, flitting from one side of the long desk to the other as he double-checks the writing one last time. The thick, inked letters dance wildly in the flame-light, and then, with each gust of his breath, they sink deeper into the page. Zero rubs his ink-stained hands together, absently itching his bandage and watching dust motes swirl in crazy eddies on the tail end of his last sigh.

He checks each pile one last, _last _time for smudges - and then… it is done. A breath leaves him in a hiss as he stacked all the papers together in one thick pile that almost doesn't fit his hands. He knocks the pages straight and hands them to the messenger.

When he is alone, he does nothing but stare at the fire for a few minutes.

He zones out for a while as his hand flexes and throbs like a second heart. The pain barely registers - he is beyond exhausted, and that exhaustion numbs everything painful down to nothing more than dull aches.

"All done?"

He swallows loudly.

"All done," he agrees, wincing at his hoarseness. He hasn't spoken for the whole day, nor has he drunk any water. He'll sort those things out later when he has the time… and maybe eat something too, while he's at it. But right now all he wants to do is sleep. He can go without the other things for days, but _sleep_ - sleep was his escape.

Zero checks his watch. He has two hours, seventeen minutes.

He runs - doesn't want to be seen if he can help it - doesn't want to be stopped and coerced into doing something else before he's even reached the safe haven of his rooms. Every second counts. Two hours, sixteen minutes - that's all the time he has before it all starts again. He skids to a stop. Just seeing the door makes his heartbeat slow in relief and his long breaths stretch into yawns.

He kicks the door shut behind him and stumbles to the bed, collapsing onto it like all his bones have disintegrated. He briefly struggles with the covers gives up, slides his hands under the cool pillow and then he is _out_.

**_ ~when we two parted~_******

The fact that he oversleeps comes as no surprise. He can't keep going on like this - his eyes will fall out of his head, dried up and shrivelled by the flame - his hand will curl up like a raven claw, clutching the damn quill and stained by its ink - his blood will dry up too, bled for the Blood Quill that signs things officially in his Name. Even now he hears it in his head - the mocking _scritch-scratch _of the quill nib on parchment.

This can't go on.

And yet, it has. For months now, almost a year, somehow he's managed.

So it's possible, but at the same time…

"You need to get away from all of this."

"I know," he mumbles, pulling himself up nonetheless. On his hands and knees, he crawls to the foot of the bed and lets his bones and joints shift and crack into place. It takes him longer to get up today - his mind is reluctant to relinquish the bed. Zero stares blankly at the door again. While he cannot hide in his room forever… he _can _lock the door for now.

It will keep them out for a little while at least.

His finger tremble on the lock, but after it is done he feels more trapped, and not a bit better. The only way he can find peace is to lock himself away from the world - that's not how it should be, a little piece of him complains.

But that's the way it is.

For some reason, he can't take his fingers from the key. He can't turn around and flop back into bed. Why is he so afraid? He is safe in the Castle, there is nothing to fear. He knows _why. _He's scared that this is his life now - stuck doing the same mindless thing every day till his brain rots. It isn't the life he'd been expecting, and certainly wasn't one he'd learnt to love either.

And he'd had plenty of time to learn to love it.

_Plenty_ of time.

Zero's heart can't help but fight the apathy, _curse_ the world for trapping him here in a place he doesn't want to be. He may look like he's already given up hope, but underneath it all he's still _angry. _He's always been stubborn so it's easy for him to hold onto his denial. This _can't _be it_. _This _isn't_ where and how he will end. He refuses to believe that paperwork and starvation will be the things that kill him - not when his life had once been a battlefield of bloody wars, ancient curses and hard-won romance.

Isn't it awful that he aches for the bloody chaos his life had once been? So ungrateful of the peace they'd fought for, the peace he now lived in -

"Fuck my life," he whispers and gingerly releases the key. It sits there in the lock, all innocent and still.

Eventually he steps back and nothing happens_._ No one comes knocking. No footsteps.

He's alone.

Maybe it's all in his head.

Zero turns to the bed, ready for sleep again, when his eyes land on something at the foot of the bed - an… an envelope. He picks it up, finding nothing written on it apart from his name.

The handwriting though - it shakes in his fingers -

He almost yanks the door off its hinge and sticks his head out -

"Is this some kind of a joke?!" he yells - but of course, just when he needs someone, no one is there. "Whoever it is, I'll-" he slams the door shut, locking it behind him once more. Speechless with anger. Unable to settle on a suitable punishment alone for whoever brought this _bane_ to him.

Zero stares at the smudge of grass stain on the envelope - his name, written in slanted cursive. _Kiryuu Zero. _He blinks as it flickers to _Kuran Zero _for a split second in his head but back to _**Kiryuu**_ just as quickly, remembering when they considered taking each other's name, and how the idea was instantly vetoed.

"I don't understand," he admits aloud. Even though he isn't ready to read the letter inside, his fingers are already ripping open the envelope open in jagged pieces.

"_Breathe_," - he's told, and so he does - "Relax. He's probably fine-"

"_This isn't about him_," Zero snaps tersely, "Something's changed," he insists, shaking open the letter. "Something must have changed. He doesn't do this. He _never _does this-" _**Don't throw this away. **_He blinks several times at the single sentence on the page, flips the sheet over to check - but no, that is _all _that is written.

"…this is such a fucking joke," he chucks the letter onto the mattress and starts shuffling out of his pants, "I am going back to _slee-"_ but then -

_Then _his eyes catch on the letter and the writing disappears.

In its place a new sentence writes itself with an invisible hand - Zero snatches it off the bed and presses his nose to it. He detects a whiff of salt, wood chips and dirt - but his eyes are drawn to the new message:

_**This isn't a joke. Please, I need you to do something for me.**_

Zero's jaw drops, "Jesus fucking Christ," he whispers, "Is this some Harry Potter shit or something?"

How does it work? How can it know what he is doing - saying - _thinking_? He casts a wary eye around, but knows he isn't being watched. The paper doesn't _smell _of any spell ingredients he knows, unless it's really low-grade 'new-age' stuff. He's never heard of a spell that can do this, but there is still a lot of magic he doesn't know, let alone understand. His eyes fall back to the paper - onto the smooth, elegant calligraphy and because _no one_ can forge Kaname's fancy handwriting, it _has _to be him.

He'd never thought one day he'd be able to recognise someone by _writing, _he's never thought of himself as that type of person, but now he is just glad to say that he can.

And funnily enough - _in spite of_ wanting to ram Kaname's face into a very thick wall for all he's been put through - he _is _at least a little more reassured to know that whatever funny business this is, it won't hurt him. It isn't, as you might have guessed, the first time his husband has ambled into his mind uninvited. He _loved_ sneaking into Zero's mind and go for a wander. He seemed to think he had a free-pass to explore it whenever he so wishes, and while Zero maintains that even after all these years that's in no way true -

It's _Kaname_ - there's no way of stopping him.

Zero stares at the paper, wondering where in the world his husband could be, and what the game he's playing this time. The Bond doesn't give him any insight into his whereabouts, or what he is feeling, or really any information at _all _besides knowing he's alive. It isn't at all like what people who aren't Bonded assume a Bond to be - the romantic notion of '_mind-melding' _or '_sensing one another's feelings and emotions_' is a load of horse-shit. It ties their lives together - that's all. When they die, they'll die together - he can't see into Kaname's mind - and the only reason Kaname can is because he is a sneaky Pureblood bastard. Zero no longer bothers hiding anything from Kaname anymore - there's simply no point.

Zero hums, sinking onto the bed in defeat.

To his irritation, he sees the letters fade away and get replaced with a little _heart._

"Fuck off," he snaps, not in the mood for Kaname's _concern_. If there is any sincerity in that little heart, Zero is blind to see it. He hates how little humour he has left. It makes him tired - he feels thin and yet heavy enough to fall to his knees. He's desperate -"What do you want?"

_**Go to our tree.**_

Zero rolls his eyes, folding up the note and tucking it in his pants as he pulls on his boots. It doesn't even bother him anymore that he follows Kaname's instructions without question when once he would've questioned everything. Perhaps over the years he's grown to trust Kaname more - so much that he can't fault his decisions any more than he can doubt that he loves him.

Or maybe he just can't give a rat's ass anymore about pride. Maybe there's none of that left either.

Just as Zero makes to open the door, he yelps when the top of his thigh burns. Of course, it's the _note_ - he plucks it out of his pocket and glowers at the message: _**Forgive me.**_

"For what_?"_ he hisses, his temper rising out of nowhere as Kaname's apology burns through the page into nothing and he goes unanswered for a few minutes, "For _what_?" he rasps again.

_**Everything, **_Kaname answers. Zero scoffs.

"Too late for that," he mutters, "You can't expect me to pretend everything's alright."

It takes some more time before the next sentence comes: _**No, I can't.**_

His temper dissipates - he can't even maintain his anger long enough to rage it out. It leaves him cold and shaken, sapped of feeling - _numb. _

It's these little moments when Zero realises he cannot move on. He can't forget, he most certainly can't forgive - and the anger and frustration inside of him has no way of getting out, so it cools and sinks and drags him down like lead. It's these cruel things that Kaname leaves for him to find that remind him of the Kaname he knew that that cut through and _hurt_.

He feels like he is endlessly grieving for something, mourning something that is broken beyond repair.

_**I'm sorry**_, Kaname repeats. _**For what you will find.**_

It spikes Zero's interest despite fearing what may be waiting for him under the tree. He hungers for this mystery, this exciting bit of _change._

But he is also afraid… _I just want you to take into account that for all your strength and all of mine, we are the two people who can most hurt each other... _Zero remembers those words Kaname said at his bedside, spoken in the same hushed voice a person might use when confessing their love. No truer words had ever been said.

Zero lingers, wondering when he became so meek that simple words can spook him.

_**Don't dally.**_

He slams the door on his way out.

**_ ~when we two parted~_******

It's cold and damp outside, and every step is like walking through a cloud - the moisture in the air clings to his eyelashes. The mist cloaks the mountainside and diffuses the midday sun into a buttery yellow sheen. Zero doesn't care about any of that though. He is more focused on not slipping on the rocky path underfoot - the weeds are almost completely obscuring it from view. When was the last time he'd come up the mountain? When had he last visited the orchard? He can't actually remember the last time he'd been _outside._

So, he supposes that answers the question.

_**Hurry, he'll be there soon.**_

Zero tenses up at the sudden news that a _person _will be waiting for him under their tree. He is much better at dealing with people nowadays - but that is a _skill _he's been forced into learning. He is not ready for randomly socialising with some _stranger_.

He turns on his heel.

No - he cannot possibly do Kaname wants him to do - not even - not when he knows so little of what's actually going on -

He's comfortable in his boring routine - at least he _knows _what to expect.

"Come on, I'm sure you'll be fine."

Zero pauses. The encouragement stirs some confidence in him that straightens his spine and shoves back his worries, for the time being at least. He pushes on, spurred by his own curiosity, and when he enters the orchard and sees Mrs Kita, the groundskeeper, there he nods to her.

But Mrs Kita freezes at the sight of him.

Zero's known Mr Kita since she was Miss Goro, before she'd had her three children - back when she was unmarried. In all the eighteen years she'd worked at the Castle, Zero hadn't known her eyes were such a lovely shade of brown, probably because they were always half-closed in concentration, not wide open in shock like they are now. Her head whips between Zero and somewhere further in the orchard several times before she wordlessly points him in the direction of 'the tree' he is heading for anyways. Now Zero is really worried - and nothing, _nothing _could have prepared him for what he is about to see.

He has to blink a few times to make sure what he is seeing is real -

And then he is under the tree squeezing the life out of his brother - so tightly he can feel his ribs creak. Zero doesn't question why or how he is here - he doesn't care, and neither does Ichiru by the sound of things - he is babbling incoherently and Ichiru is laughing -

And why - how is he _here? _Zero has to slap his own cheek to prove to himself that he's awake, which triggers more laughter from Ichiru.

Though his vision is blurred, Zero spots the most obvious thing on Ichiru's face immediately.

"You have a beard," he croaks, touching the scruff on his baby brother's chin gingerly. It is patchy and prickly, immediately bringing to mind a baby hedgehog - it's very badly grown. Zero snorts, "We can't pull off _beards."_

"Maybe _you_ can't," Ichiru says softly, reaching out to brush his thumb over Zero's smooth chin, "Ha… this is really weird."

Zero nods, trying to control himself - he could cry at any moment, but hysterical laughter is bubbling up inside him at the same time. He's so unused to having so many _emotions _fighting to reach the surface - but happiness wins and a delighted smile stretches his face - it's quite humiliating to see that Ichiru looks far more collected than he probably does - not nearly as affected by the reunion. A tiny bit of disappointment rises in him, but he dismisses it right away.

Ichiru's been travelling. Zero's been stuck here - it's no wonder that Ichiru probably hasn't been thinking about him all the time. He's moved on with his life, he's _happy - _that's all that matters. Ichiru has made a life without him and he is glad to see that it has been good.

While Zero has mellowed from years at the desk, Ichiru seems to have grown in confidence - his eyes are so bright that even when he's not smiling he looks like he _is_. Zero can see a dozen changes in him in a mere glance - he wears rope bracelets around his wrists, his skin is darker - like coffee; there is a plain ring hanging from a chain around his neck and crow's feet at the corners of his eyes.

"You look… really different," he finds himself saying.

"And it's like looking back in time - you look the same," Ichiru grins, poking Zero in the cheek - but then he frowns and cocks his head thoughtfully, "No… actually, you look different too. You look…"

_Lost? _Zero wants to suggest, _sadder? Paler? Tired? All of the above?_ For all the hours Ichiru must have been soaking up the sun, Zero had done the opposite - cooped up inside… fading. It makes sense that while Ichiru looks so healthy and full of life, Zero looks the opposite - drained of it.

"…thinner?"

"Sure," Zero says wryly. "I look like crap. Don't lie."

"What happened to you?" Ichiru doesn't even try to argue with him, "You look like… I don't even know what to _say_."

"I've just been very busy," Zero lies, bitterly thinking about how long he's actually been _busy _for, and the unending the list of things he still to do, "How are you?" he asks instead, and adds, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm good," Ichiru admits, but then steps in his space - grabs Zero's jaw and tilts his head to the side, "You _have_ lost weight. Have you been taking care of yourself?"

Zero swats his hands aside and repeats louder, "_What are you doing here_?" He's not supposed to _be_ here. The agreement was that they were never to see each other again - it was signed in their blood. The document is preserved behind glass and collecting dust in the top-drawer of Zero's desk. Zero remembers the day he said goodbye to his brother forever - how he'd refused to so much as look at Kaname for five months afterwards and couldn't look at a mirror without feeling sick. It was worse than losing a limb - it made him doubt everything in his life - every decision he'd ever made.

But it had been necessary - or at least it had been _deemed_ necessary at the time. Zero hated comparing his life to any fiction, but it was the same cliché decision many Vampire novel characters have to make when they became immortal - due to the fact that he now shares the same lifespan as Kaname, his Bondmate, it means having to watch his human friends and family age as he remains young, and eventually - it will mean having to watch them die as he lives on. To spare him this pain, Kaname made him promise that as soon as they hit thirty, Zero should cut off any contact with Ichiru so he would not have to bear this in the years to come. They argued about the age-limit for the separation for weeks on end, but then - it just happened. Ichiru packed his bags and Zero stayed behind.

And yet, only six years later - and here they are. Here _Ichiru _is.

Zero stares Ichiru's fidgeting down till he pulls a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket -

It's got Kaname's handwriting on it.

"Son of a bitch."

Zero tries to snatch it from Ichiru, but it's pulled out of his reach.

"He says you can't see this," Ichiru ducks his head apologetically, dodging another lunge, "He says you have your own!"

"Yeah, but what's on yours?" Zero's ready to climb Ichiru to get to the scrap of paper - but then he jerks back - "Did he give it to you in person? Have you seen him?" he knows he probably looks manic by now, clawing at Ichiru's shoulders, but he doesn't care. He _has_ to know.

"No, I haven't - I just found it - how long as he been gone this time?" Ichiru's voice turns hard and panicked, his face twists into the same expression he wore every time Kaname left. Zero hates it so much - it makes him feel pitiful - like someone wasting their time. He scowls when he has to count out the months on both hands and then he runs out of fingers.

Ichiru sucks in a huge breath, and releases it in a heartfelt, "_Fuck."_

Zero rolls his eyes, dropping his hands when he cannot even work out how long it's been. It should bother him, but it doesn't. He waits for Ichiru's reaction beyond a single word.

"That's longer than… any of the other times."

"Yeah."

"I mean, over a _year?"_

"Yeah, I know," Eloquent. They both don't know what to say. Zero can't imagine what Ichiru be thinking - the first time Kaname left, he'd been furious. The next time he was less angry, more confused. From then on he continued to be confused and hurt - he hurt _for Zero. _

"Nii-san, have you…" the question hangs in the air unfinished - Zero doesn't even think Ichiru knows what he was trying to ask. He looks so baffled by it all - because Kaname and his relationship must look pretty messed up - it was difficult to understand, even to those involved. The fact that it has continued to be as messed up after Ichiru left is what must cut Ichiru deep, because he thought -

He thought -

He'd _hoped _things would get better. Kaname was meant to stay with Zero when he left - he hadn't thought he'd leave him too. That just wasn't _right_.

It was a fucked up situation he'd thought couldn't get worse - with Kaname always leaving for god knows where for _months_ at a time, and then returning and everything going back to normal… Zero never spoke a word about it, and neither did Kaname. They just carried on, pretending these little blips didn't exist in their life - or at least, they pretended to _Ichiru_ that nothing was wrong.

He knew he should feel offended that they thought he was so easy to fool - but back when this all first began, Ichiru had no idea how to react to it all - he didn't know if he was supposed to comfort Zero during Kaname's absences or if he should be out there looking for him. Was he meant to fix this? Was he supposed to leave it alone? Zero behaved as he always did - he went about his business. He didn't seem to care that for all intents and purposes he was being abandoned. It was utterly bizarre, and one time when Ichiru asked if they were fighting or having marriage problems, Zero had just laughed. _Laughed. _

So when those times came along Ichiru would pretend along with him - they'd share the workload Kaname left behind, and when he came back Ichiru would keep his opinions about it to himself. He didn't want to add to the tension, he wouldn't know how to breach the subject in the first place - and often felt like the only sane person in a house full of crazy. Zero knew how it must have been for Ichiru to watch all of this happening and not being able to do a thing about it - he thinks that maybe Ichiru was relieved when he left.

"What does he want you to do?" Zero asks, abruptly signalling an end of that topic, "He just told me to come meet you."

"Same - he said to come back here '_without drawing attention'. _What's going on, nii-san? Why can't he ever speak like a normal person? Why can't he ever tell us what's going on?"

Zero shrugs, his eyes still trained on Ichiru's letter. He wants to see it, even though he knows it isn't for him. "I don't pretend to know him any better now that I did before."

Ichiru sighs heavily, running a hand over his face - like Kaname did when he was particularly flustered. The three of them had lived enough years together for their habits and mannerisms to merge, passing through each other like osmosis and sticking over time.

"When will this… this _thing_ between you two end?" Ichiru asks, sounding desperate to Zero - like a child begging for his parents to stop fighting. They are - they _were_ - a family. It's hard for Ichiru to come back and find things have only gotten worse - knowing that he's still unable to do a thing about it, because it's nothing to do with him.

It's not to do with Zero either, so he shrugs again - it's all to do with _Kaname_ and his damn secrets tearing them all apart.

Zero wraps an arm around Ichiru's shoulders and starts herding him past Mr Kita's discreet stare and into the Castle. He prompts Ichiru with questions about his travels and the people he has met, and as his eyes wander over his lost brother they keep returning to the ring hanging from a chain around his neck and he thinks about asking about it, but for now he lets him talk. There will be time to ask about it later.

Their footsteps ring in the stark silence of the hall, and as Zero marvels at what a wonderful sound another pair of footsteps beside him is - Ichiru's face falls at how empty and cold the Castle has become. It was his home for long enough for the changes to be more than physical, more about the home than the house itself. But as he turns to ask Zero about it - he sees that he is smiling quietly - the type of serene smile that demands silence, that means that he is truly glad for something -

He has to shake Zero from his musing because it feels like he is drifting far, far away.

And when he reconnects with reality, the smile disappears.

Ichiru raises his eyebrow and gestures forwards - suggesting that they should keep walking.

Zero nods, another smile in place now - one that simply says to him: _welcome home._

_****__ ~when we two parted~****_

Zero doesn't want to acknowledge that Kaname is playing another game with him. He can see this one includes Ichiru, which already puts him on edge. They're both given mysterious letters which they aren't allowed to share with the other (he doesn't know what will happen if they do, but knowing Kaname it may very likely self-destruct in their hands and they will lose their eyebrows and fingerprints); they're supposedly meant to follow Kaname's instructions via these, which means they are being watched by him - wherever he is.

Zero can't help but feel immensely anxious about the whole thing.

He's already picking it apart with what little he knows of how Kaname operates, and for one thing - the fact that he is making it so that they aren't even allowed to confer makes him wary. Right now, the only thing they've been told to do is meet under the tree - the same order, but the fact that they were given separate letters means that soon enough their orders will be different. Kaname will have different things he wants them to do, and he wants them done privately - in secret from each other.

The strain this will put on his relationship with his brother he can't bear thinking about. They're strained enough as it is - and that's thanks to Kaname_. _He has some nerve to ask _more _of them.

But he does because he knows they will not refuse him. He's playing with their hearts, but Zero is now more intrigued than angry about it. Perhaps he's developed a taste for mysteries after having married such a mysterious man, even at the cost of a little pain and stress. He kind of… wants to see where Kaname is going with this thing. It's the first contact he's had with him for over a year, so he can't help but check the letter often, anxious for the next message to come through.

He catches Ichiru slipping his hand in his pocket every now and again too, and his eyes narrow once when he pulls out the slip of paper and scans it, smoothly tucking it away once the message is read. They're unpacking Ichiru's things back into his old room, half-dusting the furniture and sweeping away dust-bunnies.

"What does he want?"

Zero has a feeling they're going to be asking each other that question a lot in the days to come.

Ichiru frowns, "He says you need to eat. You've not eaten in a while-"

"_Son of a bitch, _where _is_ he?!" Zero darts to the window and leans far out of it, scanning the scenery and Castle rock slabs underneath the window-ledge, even though he knows Kaname won't be found. His heart hammers in his chest at the thought of him watching them - watching him. _He cares, _Zero blinks rapidly, _he sees me, he knows where I am -_

"Nii-san, let's go to the kitchens."

The tone of Ichiru's voice is much like how Kaname would've sounded - deeply concerned and _firm_. They are going to the kitchens and there is nothing Zero can say or do to stop that - he _will _eat. It's charming at first, but then _infuriating _that Zero feels he's being ganged up against - just like many times when Kaname and Ichiru would go on to him about his reckless behaviour, this time they were urging him to eat.

"Yeah, alright…" he leads them away, knowing his passiveness will worry Ichiru more. It was one of those fragile moments where Zero knew Ichiru thought asking further questions would be pushing Zero too far, when Zero was really only acting this way to piss him off.

As they pass by the counter, he finds more envelopes addressed to him. They're not from Kaname. He tucks them in his pocket.

They fall into step, and when they enter the kitchen Ichiru practically glides around the room like he's dancing - so confident and at ease in the space he knows. Zero is reminded of the lazy days when he, Ichiru and Kaname wanted time to themselves as a family and sent the maids and cooks all home, so they would spend the day reading and snoozing and trying bites of Ichiru's creations till they could stomach no more, and Zero would have to step in to spare their stomachs.

Ichiru loved cooking despite not being nearly as skilled as Zero, and he was taking it upon himself to make something for Zero - something including pasta, cheese and… apples.

Well, this was going to be interesting.

"Are you in the mood for something spicy?" Ichiru asks as he pulls out a pot. Zero raises his eyebrow.

"No, and I'm not hungry," he says, meeting Ichiru's scowl with his own, "Seriously, I eat just fine."

Ichiru sets the pot on the stove and comes to Zero's side where he grabs his hands and kneads his knuckles. Just that action brings back memories of all those other times… when Ichiru could do nothing else - offer nothing but his hands to hold onto.

This time though, Ichiru squeezed his hands, running his fingers over the fine bones clearly visible through his pale skin (where it's not covered in ink), all the green-blue veins rolling over them and poking through. He rubbed the meaty parts of his thumbs and then wrapped his fingers around his wrists like cuffs.

"Then why are you all bones?" the question caught Zero off-guard. Ichiru had mentioned it before, but until now he had brushed it aside - until now that Ichiru was examining his hands, he hadn't considered it much. Now he can't help but stare at them too - he hadn't ever seen so many veins visible, through almost translucent skin; they look oddly _old _and fragile - the hands of a seventy-year-old man, not his. There are two bandages where he'd cut his fingers for the Blood Quill and his hands are mottled with bruise-like ink markings.

Ichiru releases his hands and turns back to the pot.

Later, Zero tries not to notice how much food he is given, tries not to comment on how _interesting _the flavour and texture combinations are, and refuses to look Ichiru in the eyes. His gaze flickers to his hands though, and he can't help but ponder.

**_ ~when we two parted~_******

They bid each other goodnight with wavering smiles, still uncertain of the reason Kaname has brought them together again, still somewhat dazed by the sudden reunion. The flare of panic hits Zero the moment Ichiru's door shuts - but then, he's not certain if he called out or not - it's as if his brother sensed his alarm because the door opens again. Ichiru's expression is bashful and pink-cheeked. He holds up his hand in a little wave.

Zero takes his hand from his pounding chest and covers his face in embarrassment.

They're barely three yards apart, only the width of the corridor separating them.

"We're ridiculous," he mutters, but Ichiru hears him and laughs.

"Totally irrational. I kinda freaked when I couldn't see you," he admits quietly, much to Zero's relief - it's not just him.

To think - six years ago was the last time they'd seen each other. Now, a minute apart is too much to bear.

Ichiru shifts awkwardly, his hand braced on the doorknob, the other one on the doorframe. He looks ready to either slam the door shut or leap out of it - like he wants both to escape and (violently) embrace Zero. It's comforting to know he feels the same way. Zero sighs and opens his arms.

As expected - Ichiru hurries to meet him, and they shuffle into Zero's room in stumbling steps, refusing to part one millimetre. Zero props his nose on his brother's shoulder so he can see above it and guide them to the bed. From there - it's like the years fall away and they are little boys again. It's not like they've done this a million times, but they wrestle under the tucked-in covers out and whip them over their heads, hunching their backs so when the cloth floats down it creates a domed cave with them underneath. The look of wonder on Ichiru's face makes Zero laugh.

The laughter is infectious - it fills the cloth cavern with warm, moist breaths and peels away the harsh layers of pain the separation built. The brothers wriggle onto their backs simultaneously - mirror-like, identical in their movements - they lie side-by-side with their knees bent, to keep the cloth lifted. The ceiling is a sharp tent-like line now. It draws Zero's gaze to that point, to the crease.

He gasps when Ichiru startles him out of his doze by gripping his hand.

"I wish he was here."

There's no need to clarify who he means, and it's that simple understanding that stabs Zero right through his tender heart he'd so long ago thought to be hardened stone. It's always Ichiru who can reach into him and pull out the truth of his feelings, revealing them to himself - showing him what he truly wants. He's not even angry now. Zero has accepted many things in his life - he's lived through the harshest of days alone, without his brother or his lover beside him. It must be thanks to this that he's endured, that he survives whatever difficulties he has to face.

But Ichiru reminds him that he's suffered, and that he suffers still.

"…every time, whenever you didn't know what to say to me, you had such an angry expression on your face, like you were disappointed with yourself," he finds himself saying, hushed to almost a whisper. He feels Ichiru's eyes on the side of his face and smiles weakly, "I thought you hated him. I thought you still felt that way now."

Ichiru interlocks their fingers and lets out a shaky breath.

"I did, but now…" he shakes his head, "…it's not home without him. Now I just want him back."

It hurts. It hurts so much, hearing him say this - it hurts more knowing this is what Ichiru feels. He speaks so freely, so much like a child - his heart is _crying_ for Kaname, the person they need to keep them together. Who would've thought that two brothers-in-law would love each other so much? Zero certainly hadn't. In the early days of their marriage, Zero remembers worrying that marrying Kaname would unintentionally drive Ichiru away, demanding space for the newlyweds. He discussed with Ichiru what he wanted to do with his life - if he wanted to be a Hunter or to pursue a Human kind of work. He was stronger now, strong enough to train to be a Hunter - but that wasn't all that there was in life - did he want to go to university? Did he want to travel? _Did he want to live with them?_ was the question he'd asked offhandedly, though the answer he'd hoped for was _yes. _Those days spent trying to help Ichiru decide his future plans were days Zero spent rethinking his own life decisions.

He didn't regret marrying Kaname - not one bit - and yet… they'd married so young. It was needed for official reasons - for someone like Kaname, whose life was already decided - he couldn't be seen to be fickle with his relationships. Zero had to be secured as Kaname's husband, as he was the King. Not '_a' _King - _**the **__Original _King. He was, by blood, the most powerful Vampire in the world, the King of all Kings - and Zero was now a part of his world.

Zero had never asked Kaname what title _he _was to receive - Consort, Royal Highness, Lord - he'd been called a number of things over the years, including _Queen _by one Takamiya Kaito.

But whatever he was - marrying Kaname meant his life was different from that day on. In the first few couple of years he'd stubbornly clung to his Hunter side, using the jobs the Association sent him on to keep the Council (and Kaname) at bay - but unsurprisingly this backfired, provoking them into hounding him constantly and putting a definite strain on their infant marriage. Zero knew he couldn't hold them off forever, nor did he want to push Kaname away - so he eventually _convinced _himself that he had to give it up. He made the change to being a 'part-time Hunter', much to the teasing of that despicable _Kaito._

But eventually 'part-time' was phased out to retirement from the job. Zero loathed that he was forced to surrender it, that he let his Vampire side win - but… he slammed Bloody Rose on Kaname's desk, right there in front of him - his actions spoke for him… and the way Kaname had smiled at him cut through him like a knife. So sincere, delighted yet _guilty_ for his sacrifice, and mournful - he _knew_ without a doubt what it meant. More than the job - that was Zero's heritage, his old family and upbringing - that he was giving up.

In that moment - like many other moments they'd had - Zero detested and adored that man.

For tearing him away from what he most loved, and for loving him enough for it to be worth it. He never wanted Kaname to look guilty again. The man had dealt with enough guilt in his life.

Zero kissed Kaname's ring, and then kissed his lips too.

It wasn't the wedding that changed Zero's life forever, it was the 'being married' part that really opened his eyes. Suddenly - he felt that in that kiss he'd sealed his fate. The questions he'd asked Ichiru were questions he was subconsciously (belatedly) posing to himself - did he really want this life? Did he want to do this? It was far too late to back out now - now that he was _trapped _doing things he didn't want to do, living where he didn't want to live. He was without dreams, and without an escape. The saving grace was _Kaname_, and little did Zero know that less than a year after making this final decision, he too would start slipping away.

Through this all, Ichiru stayed - Zero can't actually pinpoint the discussion that moved him in with them, but he was there through him quitting the Hunters' and he was there when Kaname went on his first absence. He was there when Kaname came back and they bought a wooden house in a darling little bay no one knew was even there. They all moved in - the three of them - and that was a fond memory, that summer. They'd worked on the house all through the heat, deconstructing and reconstructing it to be better than it was. Zero remembered that summer as being the turning point for all of them - healing the rawness in him, from leaving his old life - securing them to the future they had to look forwards to.

When it got too hot they would run down to the lake and consider fishing, but then scare away all the fish as they splashed about in the water. Some days they'd drag out the mossy boat that had come with the house and go floating aimlessly across the water - it was more Ichiru and Kaname who did that than Zero. He preferred to watch them, sitting on the deck with his feet in the water. The lake was clear as glass and cool in the sweltering heat. It would have been peaceful, were it not for the two loons laughing their heads off in the middle of the lake, their joyful voices echoing right to the shore… and scaring away all the _fish. _

For all the pain of losing what he had once most treasured - his Humanity, and then his Hunter lineage - Zero fell in love with this new family of his. Just the three of them. The circle of old school friends were still there (somewhere in Europe, apparently), and they were close enough to be _extended _family, but it was him and Kaname and Ichiru that stuck together.

"What are you doing here, nii-san?"

The question startles him from his thoughts - he turns to look at Ichiru and finds him staring right back, eyes huge and glassy, worrying his lip with concern. He is genuinely thrown by the question.

"You're thinking about the house."

How does he _know?_

"You've got that look - the one you get whenever you think about that summer," Ichiru explains softly.

Zero snorts, "I don't even like summer - I _hate _the heat."

It makes a grin break out on Ichiru's face (_much _better), "That's what you always say."

"I do," Zero insists, though no one is challenging him in the first place, "You don't even have to do anything to sweat. You could be flat on your ass sleeping and wake up cooked in your own body fluids!"

"And then you can jump in the lake, or float on the boat in the middle of it where it's nice and cool," Ichiru pillows his head on his folded arms like an old hick, an adorably goofy smile splitting his face in two. It dims a little, "You didn't even join us on the lake when we went. Why?"

"I don't know," he answers honestly, "I guess I just liked to watch. You and Kaname were such idiots… I know - I was smart, choosing to not be stuck on a boat in the middle of a lake with you two for hours. You didn't even take a _paddle_. Fools."

"It's an _oar, _nii-san, and we didn't need it anyway. Kaname just floated us back when it got too late."

That was true. Zero used to watch them sail out till the ripples from their wake flattened out and became glass-water again, and the glistening surface would shine up the hard edges of the boat till they sparkled like diamonds, and then it would swallow them up at the near-horizon. The lake was so big that it had its own horizon. Zero remembered how their laughter drifted away, how the fear of being left behind in the shadows of the evening, and as the coolness of night began to sink in - he'd felt so cold inside.

But it was almost as if Kaname knew the moment Zero's anxiety set in - he'd sense it and be called back. The boat wouldn't even touch land before the two of them leapt out and then - and _then_ they were back.

"You haven't answered me."

_What are you doing here, nii-san? _

Was there an answer for that? If there was, Zero didn't know it. He had no idea what Ichiru meant by it, or how to answer him - but then he _understood. _Why are you here - why aren't you at our house? The Castle was another home to them, but _less _of a home.

Later on in their marriage, they weren't left alone to live peacefully - even though their job of ruling the throne was being fulfilled. The Council wasn't impressed with their lack of involvement in _current _affairs, though they _did _pay attention to such things and answer accordingly. They had to move back to the Castle, which was closer to the Council, and share their time between two homes. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't easy - and once again Zero found his peace stolen from him as their time at the house was shortened down to nothing. By the time Ichiru left, they were permanently living at the Castle, and Zero hadn't left since.

He couldn't bear to live in a house with so many good memories - it was sacred to him. There was not one place in that house that bore a fight, or an argument (not the ones that mattered, anyway), or a painful reflection of the past. It was so _new, _so clean and pure. It was theirs - it belonged to the three of them. It made sense that one person could not live in a house made for three. Too much space to fill. He didn't want that sweet house to suffer from his melancholy, so he stayed away from it.

_I can't live there_, was what he wanted to say. He didn't need to say anything else for Ichiru to get it. He'd get a sympathetic nod, a cuddle and apology, and then they'd curl up facing each other like they did when they were little and they'd fall asleep.

But he didn't want the sympathy or the apology - he wanted… he wanted -

"I don't know, what _am _I doing here?"

The unexpectedness of his response was clear in Ichiru's slack mouth. Zero smiled brightly.

"You're right, otouto. In the morning, we'll go _home."_

**_ ~when we two parted~_******

"…_we'll go __**home**__."_

_He sighs in relief, thankful that things are going to plan. Now he can close his eyes and finally rest with the comfort of knowing they will be somewhere safer and better for them. Home. The word conjures images in his head that are sharp and bittersweet. After those boat trips he always came back with sunstroke, but grinning all the while - even when Ichiru would dab at his sore spots with aloe gel and leave Zero to rub it in. The gel wouldn't do a thing, leaving him unbearably hot and grumpy - but even then he'd laugh and smile._

_It was impossible to not smile in that house._

_More than anything, Kaname longed to see Zero happy again. They were so distant with each other that he didn't know any other way to bring his happiness back, other than to give him back his brother. He felt guilty for using Ichiru this way, knowing that he would be horrified to discover how broken Zero had become. And he would rightfully blame Kaname, for it was his fault. All of it._

_He was going to lose both of them, sooner or later._

_But not _yet.

_There were still things to be done - things he needed to do for them, which could not be done without them coming together once more. Kaname dared not think about how difficult a reunion it would be, he already dreaded seeing the light go out of their eyes and their smiles wipe off their faces at the sight of _him._ It was going to hurt so much, but he wouldn't linger. He wouldn't do anything more to hurt them or anyone he loved ever again._

_Kaname kicks uselessly, but he's pinned to the floor. He was able to blast the rocks off into smaller pieces, but then they rained down like bullets and he'd been knocked out by a particularly heavy blow to the head. He'd woken up covered up to his waist, one leg twisted and broken under the weight, the other with a shattered foot. Every movement brought more rocks, the air was dust-laden so he had to concentrate on breathing _slowly _and shallowly._

_There was no way he was getting out of this alone. _

_Teleportation under this much stress wasn't wise, nor was transformation into animal form - that would be a spectacularly stupid move. He would be crushed immediately. There wasn't the option of blasting it all into dust, because he knew from the pressure on him that there were heavier, bigger rocks pushing down on the ones pressing into him - he didn't know how many of these there were. If he didn't blast them all, the other ones would definitely crush him to a smear -_

_Basically, he's just making excuses for not lifting a finger._

_Kaname can survive being crushed, broken and shattered to pieces. He knows he can blast all the rocks in this mountain with nothing more than a thought - but he's in battle with his own demons. He's weighed down by more than rocks, by fears of rejection when he breaks free and makes his way back to Zero - by the guilt of keeping yet another secret from his beloved. In all truth, he _wants _to stay down there where he can hide. For the time-being, he's okay with being a coward. It's actually a comfort to pretend he's helpless and alone._

_When the time comes that they need him, he hopes they'll come to get him. It's a selfish thought, but he hopes that when they come fetch him, they are so horror-struck by his injuries that they forget all the troubles between them and embrace him with welcome arms -_

_It's a hopeless dream. Kaname will wriggle out of this mess by the time they come. Or maybe he won't. He's not sure. He doesn't want to be found like this only to find that they have no sympathy for him. That would just be humiliating. On the other hand, he doesn't want them to find him perfectly fine either - because then what would've been the point of them coming? He wants them to come. So badly._

_Until then, he has to wait._

_In the meantime, he watches over them. He feels like a right creep, watching the brothers curled to each other like two parentheses, and marvels over how Ichiru has grown and Zero has shrunk. He knows Zero is dreaming of the house, and after talking about it he doesn't doubt Ichiru is as well. The little pieces of paper are tucked in their trouser pockets, hanging off their chairs in their respective rooms. They won't find his messages till morning._

_Kaname nicks his fingertip with his tooth and reaches up towards the tiny vent above his right shoulder. His blood rises up into black smoke and forms itself into the words he wants to write. He waves them off to their respective papers, and then he closes his eyes._

* * *

**Aah, confusing ne? Don't worry guys! Things will be explained in time! Just to recap - eighteen years have passed since the previous story. Six years ago Ichiru left Kaname and Zero. It's over a year since Kaname left Zero since.**

**'kay, just wanted to clarify the timeline of events. Thanks for reading guys! xx**


	2. In Silence And Tears

The next morning they pack in between bites of breakfast.

There aren't many things to pack, given what the Kiryuu brothers are like - Spartan in their ways - they pack what they need in two carry-on bags and then sit down to think about how they might flee the Castle unnoticed. It's something they haven't discussed yet, too caught up in the thrilling idea of going back _home _to mull over the little details.

As Zero informs Ichiru about the heavy surveillance in and around the Castle - the dream shatters like glass with the pressure of the hundreds of eyes on them and a cold wave of reality washes away the shard remains.

Zero tries to insist that it isn't so bad - but both of them know the stark blinding truth is plain and there in the eyes and the broken dream. As if to contradict Zero's feeble protests, someone then bursts into the room, fluttering around Zero like a flustered hen and practically hyperventilating at the sight of Ichiru. His jaw drops at the lack of manners - the fact she didn't ask for permission before invading Zero's private quarters is punishable - but she doesn't even seem to notice her faux pas. The situation is so bizarre that Ichiru almost laughs - but then, when he catches sight of his brother's face: tight and withdrawn -

He takes her by the shoulders and shoves her out of the room. The heavy door slams shut, making them both flinch.

That interruption confirms the start of one of Zero's painstakingly regulated days - the first of the cursed surveillance squad, come by to see what he's up to.

Ichiru shoots a look at Zero as if to say _not so bad, hmm?_ Zero shakes his head ruefully. He's been caught. Shame-faced by the truth and his brother witnessing it first-hand.

He's coaxed into revealing more about his life than he ever thought he would have to tell another person, and learns just how pitiful it is from the growing horror on Ichiru's face.

"You are a _prisoner_, nii-san," he whispers, as if the words will be heard by his captors. Zero rolls his eyes. "No, I'm _serious,_ Zero - this is not how anyone - let alone, the King's _husband_ - should be living! He's right - you're overworked, by the look of you - you don't eat or sleep, you're barely living-"

"Wait - what do you mean '_he's right'_?" Zero's eyes fly straight to Ichiru's jeans pocket where a tiny corner of paper is innocuously poking out. His heart thumps loudly, neither elated nor in disgust. "He's been watching me." He says this blandly. It's so unfeeling, so unremarkable to him that he cannot put an ounce of emotion into his voice. There's no affection behind this, he knows.

"'course he has," Ichiru says, in such a way that sounds like it was expected. It irritates him to see how natural it is for Ichiru to believe that Kaname still cares about him and he wishes he could believe in him too. _He doesn't know_, Zero thinks, biting down on his resentment. It would be cruel of him to open Ichiru's eyes to what's really been going on, he isn't heartless enough yet to give up on protecting him from the truth. He isn't bitter enough. He still loves. He still waits.

Zero smiles at Ichiru, "Yeah, well," he shrugs, "Sometimes you forget."

"He's always been a sneaky bastard," Ichiru sniggers, making Zero smirk, "Ow!" he pulls out the paper and laughs at whatever Kaname has written. Probably something in response to the insult.

Zero yearns to take the paper from him. To get in on the joke too. His own notepaper has been infuriatingly blank since yesterday. It's not new to him - this feeling of exclusion. Of being ignored. He swallows it down and lets it simmer and cool and sink to the bottom with the rest.

"So - back to what you were saying," Ichiru puts away the note, "You're monitored by these bloody peopleall day long; there are guards at practically every corridor and around the Castle border; you're forced to go to daily meetings - A.K.A. '_interrogations' _- and on top of all that, you have all of these - _these,_" he leaps over to the adjoining private study and waves his arm at the stacks of paper on the floor and desk, "_Mountains _of work. It's like they slaughtered a whole forest for this. This is _ridiculous_, nii-san!" How can Zero not see this? He goes to lean on the desk edge, since it is _too much _to look Zero in the eyes at this point. How could this have happened in _six years?_

It's embarrassing, admitting what he's allowed his life to become to his little brother, mainly because it's such a far cry from the life anyone would've expected of someone like himself - stubborn, do-as-he-likes Kiryuu Zero. For all his life, Zero has always been the adventurous one - the one who won't take shit from anyone, won't take no for an answer - he's always fought for what he believes in, and lived as he pleased (as much as that was viable). So how can he stand living like this? How could _he_ have been tamed into this meek little thing?

"Can't we just… walk out?"

The idea is so adorable that Zero has to throw something at Ichiru - his shoe - which he dodges.

"Stop that - I'm serious," Ichiru's shoulders rise and square off, he doesn't turn around though, which makes him appear that much more vulnerable to Zero's laughter. "I don't see the problem with that idea - you _should _be free to come and go as you please - it's not _funny_, Zero, I don't get why you're still laughing."

"I know," Zero struggles to contain himself, but after a few gulps of air, finds himself stopping abruptly, thinking that Ichiru is right - it isn't funny. Not at all. "I know," he repeats more softly.

"Maybe we can call the Association to get us-"

"Don't you think they monitor the phone lines around here?" Ichiru _does _spin around at that, his face stricken - "I'm only joking!" Zero exclaims, "…but knowing them, that's not _that_ far-fetched -"

"Yagari-sensei would come for us, Zero," Ichiru insists - so _confident_ in their old sensei's devotion to them that he manages to light something up inside Zero - something warm and hopeful. He knows what Ichiru says is true - Yagari has done and always will come for them - there's no hesitation there.

…which is exactly why he cannot ask this of him.

"What would that look like from the outside, Ichiru?" he points out reluctantly, "The Head of the Association taking the Royal Consort of the Original King from the Castle? It'll look like a kidnapping, that's what. No one knows what my life is _like_ - they don't know that I'm stuck here against my will. They don't know that their bloody King has fucked off to fuck knows where for over a _year _now. They don't know that right now, the Council holds most of the power, and the _peace _we've been living under is all a fucking illusion. All the work we've done is undoing itself, Ichiru - and everyone's too blind to see it, because it's so much easier to believe we're living in paradise than face the fucking _truth!"_

He is panting by the end of it, wide-eyed and sweaty, his throat sore from shouting and his hands curled like claws, hanging by his sides like he wants to rake his own flanks raw.

"I know I am… a _prisoner_, otouto. Don't think I don't see that - I _do_," he shuts his eyes so tight, blue dots appear in the centres of his vision, "But I am a prisoner of a war that hasn't yet happened - one that is brewing right beneath our feet. Do you think I haven't thought of calling sensei for help, or even that blockhead Kaito… or even _you?_ I've dreamt of doing that so many times - but my freedom would come at the price of potentially starting another war. It could be the trigger for it, and trust me - I'm not worth doing that."

"I think you're exaggerating just a little, don't you think?" Ichiru's footsteps bring him closer, and yet - the touch of his hands on Zero's shoulders makes him jump. He's so keyed up and anxious that he can't even recognise his brother's comforting touch.

Zero shakes his head, "I'm in a position I never wanted to be - I have far more power and importance in this world than I have ever wanted to have, but there's nothing I can do about that. I'm not just the King's husband or Consort, Ichiru - I am the _Shadow King _now. I represent Kaname and the peaceful Kingdom he made come true. I have to prove to the people that everything is alright - I have to keep up this pretence of peace for as long as I can or everything will fall apart."

"_Or you could do as Ichiru suggests - get out of the Castle and __**prevent **__things from falling apart before they do."_

"We've already listed the reason why that is impossible," Zero snaps.

Ichiru jerks back in surprise at his tone, "_Okay… _well despite what you think, I _have _noticed that things have become a little… tense between Hunters and Vampires again-"

"No," Zero bursts out, "The people are fine, the tension is between the Association and the Council alone. The people get along - they're under the impression that intolerance is punishable - which we'll allow them to continue to think, despite the fact that no such laws exist. Everything we need to worry about is to do with the Council. I don't know why, but once again they're trying to rock the boat."

"Like a bloody drunk sailor," Ichiru tries to joke (was that a joke?). It falls, limp as a dead fish.

Zero nods distractedly, his expression thoughtful and serious - proving how dead the joke (if it could even be called that) was. While he's occupied in thought, Ichiru circles the desk to get to the window. The curtains are drawn except for a narrow gap which lets a shard of light pierce through the gloom and scatter across the floor towards them. He toes the edge of it, but then - as he looks up, he catches sight of a guard passing by on his rounds.

Even at that distance, the guard manages to catch his eye - only for a split second, but long enough to send chills down his spine. It's like being spotted by a shark.

"Nii-san?"

"Hmm?" Zero looks up briefly, but his eyes are still slightly unfocused. He takes in Ichiru's terrified expression and his proximity to the window, checks his watch and nods dazedly, "Oh, yeah. It's about time for their rounds."

"About… time_-?_"

"Yeah - but anyway, what are _you_ doing here?"

The sudden change in topic is hard to follow - Zero rises in tandem with Ichiru dropping into a nearby chair.

"Pardon?"

"Yes, what was he _thinking_ when he sent you _here_?"

"What are you - are you talking about Kaname now?"

"Honestly - now you're here, stuck - just like me… no use to anyone. You should never have come," he leans over Ichiru, looming - though his voice drops to a whisper, "We have to get you out. You _have_ to get out of here."

Moments like these - when Zero's eyes are dilated in absolute fear and certainty, when his voice has dropped to a conspiratorial whisper and Ichiru can virtually hear his heartbeat thumping away madly - they honestly frighten Ichiru. He's seen Zero mad with anger before, mad with tiredness and frustration and even delirium during that one bad fever - but he's never seen him mad with fear like this, or at least he hasn't for a long, long time. It's fear, tinged with loneliness… coloured with the sort of primitive wariness one gets from having lived alone for a while. He feels like he's losing him.

"Don't be stupid, I'm not leaving you here," Ichiru scoffs, though he almost chews through his lip when Zero hisses. He means what he says, but can't help but wish that he _could _go back to living his carefree life, selfish though that may be.

That's a foolish and impossible desire. That life is not one he can return to now. Ichiru feels like even if he made the choice to leave, it would be in vain. They are well and truly trapped.

He can't help but wonder at Kaname's actions - or rather, his _demands._

It's the first time in a while that Ichiru starts to question the mysterious man his brother married. Since the wedding he easily grew to love and trust Kaname with everything he had, pouring so much of his heart into loving their little family that it became impossible for him to imagine Kaname being anything less than a good man who loved them - who would do _anything _for them. For this reason, Ichiru was at a bit of a loss as to what Zero was implying.

Until now, when he can see the danger Kaname has put them _all _in, and no reason for it, or none that he can see.

"We need to get you out," Zero repeats, completely oblivious to what Ichiru has said, "The more people know you are here, the more danger you are in. Do you understand? They think you're elsewhere - everyone knows that I'm not supposed to see you anymore. You're cut off with the Old Life. If they find you here they are going to make sure I truly won't, ever again. Ichiru," he clutches his shoulder, eyes wild and desperate, "I don't know what they will _do _to you."

Immediately following Ichiru's disbelief comes a sudden fear - a sudden realisation that underneath everything this is _still_ the brave, selfless Zero he knows who wouldn't be afraid of idle threats. _There must be a reason _for his panic_ - _he wouldn't tell Ichiru such things if he didn't think there was real reason to worry_. _His voice is pitched so low as to not be heard, his expression - without a trace of humour in it, and the fear in his eyes… Ichiru barely catches the next of Zero's whispering over the thudding of his own heart.

(It was a mistake that he ever came here.

What _was_ Kaname thinking?)

"- if you time it correctly, you can sneak out then. I've timed them before, they're like clockwork - so you have exactly twenty-two seconds to get to the next corridor-"

"No," he hears himself choke out, "Not without you."

"Ichiru… look at me," Zero's hands gently cradle his face, lifting it so he can properly see the hardness in Zero's eyes, "It is _vital _that you get away from here-" (_It's over for me - _Ichiru hears hidden in this sentence) "You _need_ to listen to me. If there was a chance for me to go, don't you think I would have taken it by now?"

He takes a moment to think this over.

"But you're telling me there is a way out," he points out, "So _why_ aren't you taking it? Why don't you grab your gun and… and just shoot your way out?"

The sigh Zero lets out could have passed as a sob, he thinks.

"By the time I figured out that things were going down this way, it was too late for me. _Look at me, _otouto - is this the brother you know? Look at my body - the way it's become. I'm skin and bones, and weak and useless. There's no way I could have run fast enough or far enough to escape. It's too late for me, unless Kaname decides to drag his ass back home to _save me_," he hisses, glaring at Ichiru's pocket. He can imagine it must be hard for someone as independently spirited as Zero having to admit such weakness.

After a couple of minutes, it becomes too much under the glare of his big brother… especially when the focus of his hateful gaze is aimed rather close to a… _sensitive _area. Sometimes Ichiru wonders if Zero has yet forgotten (or more importantly, _forgiven_) the 'Kneeing Incident' following his miraculous recovery after the Rido Incident.

Instinctively, he curls up - though he can't scoot away - Zero pulls him forwards into an embrace, taking his actions to be a request for comfort. It's achingly familiar, this position - with one of Zero's arms curling around the base of his neck, the other hand tangling in his hair and just resting there - warm and steady. A button digs into Ichiru's cheek, another presses against his lips, and he breathes in the scent of Zero -

And he feels like he's finally returned to somewhere that _is _home. He almost feels safe - if only… if only Kaname had been there too. He'd have stood beside Zero with a reassuring smile, and his otherworldly presence would wrap them up in an impenetrable blanket that would keep them safe from _anything _in the world out to get them, even nightmares.

"I won't let anything happen to you," Zero promises, dropping a kiss to the top of his head. It's another thing that would've been copied by his husband had he been there. Ichiru twines his arms around Zero's middle and hides his face against it.

Zero is really, _horribly_ thin.

He can feel the unhealthy jut of his ribcage against his cheek, the sharp edge of his hips sticking out of his skin, and is startled by how he can practically grasp his opposite forearm twice around Zero's tiny waist. This - this is evidence of his brother _wasting away- _from lack of love - from abandonment and neglect. It makes Ichiru sick to think if he hadn't come here what might have become of Zero. He might have literally disappeared.

…maybe this is why Kaname sent him here. To look after Zero - but why not come himself?

(Kaname.

Where is he?

Why is he letting this happen?)

He can't let go of his love for the man - not yet. Not until he is given enough reason to do so. As much as he hates Kaname's habit of hiding things from them (just like Zero, it frustrates the hell out of him), Ichiru has been proven time and time again that it's always for a good reason, or at the least - with good intentions in mind. He finds he can usually forgive Kaname when he's given the chance to see things from his perspective.

(If love is the reason…)

"I'm not leaving without you," he repeats firmly. "I won't let anything happen to you either."

He lifts his head and meets Zero's frigid glare unflinchingly. He's a man now - he shouldn't be treated like a child who can't make his own decisions… although, now that he thinks about it, most of the time that's how it's gone with Kaname and Zero. That's how they treated him.

Well, not anymore. That was then, this is now.

He props his chin on Zero's ribs and closes his eyes to think.

Without the Association able to help them, and the fact that they can't alert anyone else to the situation yet… who did that leave?

"Where are the others?" the query is one that has been on his mind, but not pressingly so. Still, now he's asked it, he'd like to know.

When he opens his eyes, it's to find Zero lost again in thought. By his unresponsiveness, Ichiru can tell he's hit another mark. He curses his tactlessness. As if Zero needs any more angst to chew on.

Zero gathers Ichiru even closer to him, for _his _comfort, this time.

"We sent them to Europe," he says, meaning this was a decision made back when Kaname was around, "_Kaname's_ decision," - he was right - "He wanted Yuuki to get some experience living independently. She's too coddled here apparently - which is _exactly_ why Kaname also sent Aidou, Kain, Souen _and _Benomi with her," he rolls his eyes. "Don't even ask. It makes no sense to me either, and I don't pretend to understand what his _real _intentions are - trying to figure that man out is impossible."

"He must have other reasons for sending them there."

"Obviously," Zero agrees, shaking his head sullenly, "I thought it might be to do with the Council and all of that. If that's the reason, I can see why he wanted to send her as far away from here as possible, but as far as I can tell-"

The door flies open. Again, without asking permission to enter, a man bustles in this time, looking as frazzled as the assistant. He thrusts an envelope at Zero and when it isn't received, tucks it in the crook of his arm. He then hurries out just as quickly. The brothers share a look - their conversation put off by that… that -

"They never do that," Zero mutters, plucking the thick letter from his arm, "Correspondence comes in the evening. It must be important," he tears it open and pulls out _another _envelope from it. Opening this, he scans the letter and his eyebrows drawing together in a deep frown. "Oh," he mutters, eyes flying back and forth, and then whispers it again in understanding, "_Oh._"

"What? Who is it?"

The understated, angular script tips him off - Takuma. Ichiru takes the letter but makes very little sense of it. Only when he realises that it's some sort of invitation does he realise he must still in the country, and then he remembers Zero didn't mention him in Yuuki's entourage… nor Rima either.

"Since you left, we have - _of course_ - continued to accompany Takuma to… to see Shiki every year," Zero explains, stumbling over the name and closing his eyes briefly. Although he didn't know Shiki very well, he had respected the man and appreciated his unique quietness, and non-intrusive manner. Zero had always liked Takuma (out of all the other Vampires, he'd always liked him the most), and seeing how losing Shiki changed Takuma from the bright, cheerful man he'd once been to a shadow of his former self had been difficult to watch. He wasn't the only one who suffered from his lover's death.

It added to Kaname's guilt that closest friend would never be the same. Long before they'll have to bury him, they already mourn Takuma for his inevitable passing.

Ichiru nods solemnly, sensing that Zero's about to drop a bomb on him.

He braces himself.

"This year… this year, without Kaname I couldn't… I just _couldn't_ bring myself to go," Zero confesses, and yes - it's a bomb. It's almost like telling him he outright pulled the plug on Takuma, Ichiru's heart almost stops - "It's just that - Kaname _always _says something, you know? A few words for Shiki. He always says what Takuma _needs,_ but _I_ can't do that. You know what I'm like with speeches. Without him, I knew I would say something wrong, but… I couldn't even turn up _without him _in the first place, do you understand?"

At first he didn't. But then, Ichiru realised - Takuma might take Kaname's absence to be rejection from someone he has always counted on - Zero's absence wouldn't have nearly as bad an effect on him as Kaname's, but Zero turning up would highlight Kaname not being there because... it was just natural to expect one to follow the other now - even now, when they were obviously having _marital problems._

Takuma might not be able to handle such a thought, especially on the anniversary of Senri's death.

It would only torment Takuma more - bringing to light that his _brother_ (for all extents and purposes, he and Kaname were brothers in everything but blood) wasn't there for him. It would be worse than not turning up at all.

"But… he's still inviting you to his house?"

Zero hums, "Well apparently I was lucky this time - even Takuma didn't go to the grave this year, so he doesn't know that I didn't. For whatever reason… he was at the Ichijou Manor instead. He's _still _there now… and he wants me to come."

Ichiru peers at the letter and reads: "_I'll send you a car… _tomorrow _morning. _Well that's very short-notice._"_

"Read from the start: _Apologies for not being there. I think you'll understand that some traditions cannot go on forever. I think it's best we move on towards the future with the hope that happiness will return to us, and that we will eventually find peace again. _It's strange how he's written this. Like he… he means something else when he writes that-" Zero stops abruptly, and then blushes violently.

"What? What is it?" Ichiru asks eagerly.

"… once he tricked me into admitting that I'm... that Kaname makes me _happy_."

"So?" Everyone knew that.

Zero gives him an odd look, "He is my '_happiness'_. When he says '_happiness will return to us' - _I think he means _- _oh fuck. He knows," Zero's eyes widen and he clutches the letter, "He knows about Kaname."

Ichiru nods absently, "It's also strange how he worded it… _'some traditions' _- is he talking about visiting Shiki's grave or something else? I mean… I wouldn't have thought Takuma would want to break the habit of seeing Shiki after this many years…"

"Yeah, he wouldn't… I think he might be referring to the Council. The way he's written it - he knows we're aware of his opinions on _tradition _regarding the Council's obsession on keeping things in the past. He's always hated the way the Council works - their insufferable traditions. Maybe he's seen something there that he doesn't agree with."

Ichiru shrugs, his eyes fixed on one particular sentence, "But if he knows Kaname's not here… then why does he write '_I'm looking forwards to seeing the _two_ of you again_'?"

The brothers catch each others' eye - also sharing the same wavelength -

"_He knows!"_

"- Kaname must have tipped him off somehow, there's no other way he'd know you're here!" Zero gives the letter a smacking big kiss - but then, he freezes up again and goes extremely pale. "Unless…" he spins to the door, "That servant… he saw you here. What if they know - what if they've told people-"

"I don't think it would have spread that fast-"

"All it takes is one person - one person to go to the guard and set them on you. This whole thing - it's dangerous, Ichiru. You have no idea. If they find you they'll take you away."

"So, presumably the Council knows Kaname's not here too?"

"Of course they know he's not here - I think even the _people , _to some extent, know he's not here. They're not _that _dumb. I bet they're keeping me here… to have some leverage. You know… something to control Kaname with."

Ichiru's jaw drops - and suddenly it all clicks. It all makes horribly perfect _sense._

"They think Kaname's gone _rogue_."

**_*^*^*~in silence and tears~*^*^*_**

"Has he? _Has he?_"

Ichiru's leapt up, far too agitated to remain seated. He tugs at his hair, clenches his jaw in anger and tries to bring himself to look at Zero - _but he can't. _He can't bear to look into his eyes and see that he's just as frightened as him - oh god, what have their lives become?

"No he bloody well _hasn't!"_ Zero snaps, outraged by the assumption - his outburst seems to sap him of his strength though because he sinks into the vacated seat and dumps his head in his propped hands as if holding himself upright is just too much. "They _think_ he has, though. Even… even _I _thought he had at one point."

"That must be why they're kicking up such a fuss," Ichiru guesses - the rising tensions between the Council and the Association. A rogue Pureblood is bad news - bad press for the Council, and generally bad news for everyone. Letting slip to the Hunters that a Pureblood - _the most powerful _Pureblood _in the world_, in fact - has possibly gone _rogue _would be catastrophic. The Council's historic purpose has always been to protect the remaining Purebloods from extinction, but their _traditional _ideas on _how_ Purebloods (even _Kaname_) should be kept safe were greatly antiquated and erred on the side of cruelty.

He dared not think what their punishments might be like for rogue Purebloods… it was madness that turned a Pureblood savage. Ichiru can't help but think about his mistress Shizuka, how her family was cursed with madness - he can never look back on his time with her without fondness, no matter how Zero has tried to get him to understand that he was a hostage to her. She had told him about her life - locked up in a cage - and how her whole family was raised this way, to believe that even in their madness - the Council could keep them under control.

No one should ever be forced to live in a cage.

Suddenly Ichiru is glad that Kaname is out there somewhere, alive and free. Suddenly he can see a possible reason for his disappearances over the years, a plausible cue to leave while he still could. The only thing that snags - that doesn't quite fit - is that Kaname left them behind - that was the opposite of something he would have done. That's not like him at all.

"Kaname's not gone rogue. I'd know it if he were," Zero grumbles, though it's more said to himself than to convince Ichiru. "He's just wandering… fuck knows what he's doing or _why _he's putting us through all of this, but I know is he's still _him_."

"Okay," Ichiru simply says, in what he hopes is a reassuringly sincere (non-condescending) tone.

Zero groans, "Dear god - _dear god_," he bites out, sinking into the window-seat and pulling the curtains around him like a blanket. Ichiru gives him a measured look, after a quick assessment he goes to the next room and brings back a small white pill and some water. It won't do much for his bloodthirst, in fact Zero finds the medicine is still rejected by his body more often than not, so he naturally eyes the pill like it's poison. At the moment though, the benefits outweigh the side effects - at least it will take the edge off, and he needs a clear mind to think right now.

"I think you might need… to take it easy, nii-san," Ichiru suggests diplomatically, carefully judging his reaction to the blood pill. Zero always reacts fast to it - within a minute of ingestion they will know if he needs a bucket. He has his eyes closed, mouth pinched as he waits… and then he nods. Ichiru sighs. "If we're going to think of a plan, you need to stay calm."

"Yeah… yeah, you're right," Zero glugs back the rest of the water and then steeples his fingers, "So… Takuma is offering us a way out. The question is how we get you out without being seen…"

"I don't think that's really a problem anymore, Zero."

"What do you mean?"

He tips his head toward the very window Zero is sat at.

"That guard from before - he saw me. He recognised who I am," he nods at the door too, "Those servants from before obviously saw me too. Kita-san was in the garden yesterday when I arrived, but bless her soul - we know she won't tell anyone. The point is - they already know I'm here and yet, they haven't come for me."

"Then... from the letter, Takuma is probably telling us that as far as he knows you are safe to show your face in public," Zero realises, Ichiru nodding along, "He wouldn't put you in danger… if he thinks it's safe for us - if he thinks that the Council won't mind that, we can leave the Castle… but I thought I was a prisoner here - I don't… I don't understand…"

Unfortunately, Ichiru does - and he knows Zero won't like to hear what he thinks - because it's possibly worse than what Zero thought the situation was.

"… I think that maybe you've just been made to believe you are a prisoner here because of the close scrutiny they're putting you under. They're keeping this whole situation about Kaname in the dark to keep the wool pulled over everyone's eyes… and in a way, I think they've been manipulating you as well - making you think that you're all alone here, and not allowed to leave. Even though you feel like you're trapped here, if you really think about it, you aren't. They can't do that to you. I think... "

Zero narrows his eyes as if daring him to go on_._

_Oh shit_, Ichiru thinks, _he's gonna be so pissed off._

"I think you've been made a prisoner of your own mind."

Zero hisses, but Ichiru holds up a hand for silence. He has to explain.

"No one can do that to you. _Officially _you out-rank everyone, including the Council. They aren't powerful enough to house-arrest you for no reason, and yet - from the way you're looking at me, you've forgotten this fact…"

It is quite possible Zero _has _forgotten his power over the Council. Over time, even the strongest of people left in a hopeless place are capable of losing their sense of worth. It's no wonder Zero didn't see a way out for himself.

"I bet they've realised that you rarely leaving the Castle is hardly going to be noticed by anyone, given the fact that most people will just assume you're living a quiet life here. They've tricked you into thinking that they _can _keep you here by suffocating you with guards, but in the end - you're _Royalty, _Zero. They cannot force you to do anything. Not with Vampire politics.

"But because you're their leverage over Kaname - they're probably keeping an eye on your activities anyway - making sure you're not gonna run right out of the Castle. They're not gonna let you out of their sight - even if we go to Ichijou's, I'm pretty sure we'll be followed."

"Are you saying… that all this time, I could have left this place_?_"

Ichiru gently takes his brother's hand. "It's possible you never tried to leave because you didn't think you could… but knowing you, it's more likely you didn't think it was the right thing to do."

It's true - one of the biggest reasons he'd stayed was his sense of duty keeping him there. With Kaname gone, it fell to him to keep things going. Zero lets out a strangled noise, the curtains shake along with his body as he lets loose his disgust. Ichiru's stomach drops - his eyes are red.

Despite this warning, he continues to talk: "You were left alone to rule a Kingdom, Zero, with no one to guide you. It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself-"

Zero is nearly hyperventilating - "How could I have been so _stupid?_ I'm the King's fucking _Consort! _They can't treat me like this - I should have known!" he barks out a manic laugh, "And yet I let this happen to me. I was too _scared _to leave!"

_Can't we just… walk out?_

Zero laughs - the irony of it is that Ichiru's first suggestion to how they could flee the Castle was the right one - the solution was as simple as that.

"If I'd only casually walked out of this Castle_, _they would have let me. They wouldn't have suspected it was me trying to escape." Like they say to do when you're being chased - walk, don't run, to not draw attention to yourself. Such a simple solution and he'd never thought of it.

"You couldn't have known, nii-san-"

"I could have left this place. I could have gone _home_."

Only - they both know that even if Zero had figured this all out sooner_, _he _wouldn't _have gone home. That would have led the Council spies there, which he could not allow. Home was sacred to them - it was hidden somewhere only they knew. Had he left the Castle… but he couldn't really say where he'd have gone to anyway. Somewhere else, certainly. Somewhere far away.

With most of their friends were in Europe and Zero not inclined to imposing on Takuma with him already dealing with enough of his own problems, he found himself lost. He'd grown apart from the Hunters he used to know so well, and anyway - seeking refuge at the Association would draw attention to the fact that his life was actually not so peachy as it appeared to be in the tabloids. It would bring up too many questions - questions he wouldn't know how to answer without alerting them to Kaname.

Yagari alone would probably declare war on the Council if he were to see Zero the way he looks now.

As far as his Hunter family were aware, Zero was living in marital bliss with his loving (bloodsucker) husband, never wanting for anything in the charming Castle he lived in - with power at his fingertips and peace abound.

He wants them kept away from the painful truth.

For now, at least.

"You did what you thought you had to," Ichiru answers, expertly dodging Zero's pointed glare at his hedging, "You didn't know what we know now. You were being cautious, which is a _good thing_ Zero. Better to be alive than not on a whim."

The sound Zero makes is so unsettling that Ichiru clears his own throat loudly, feeling the rawness of the sound like it'd come from his own anguish for his brother.

"I couldn't have left anyway. Not with all this _blasted _paperwork to do - believe it or not, the Kingdom would fall had I chosen to _walk away._ It just keeps coming - more and more of it… I never even knew Kaname did this much till all his work came to me."

Ichiru's jaw drops - he hadn't really thought about it - but with Kaname gone, _someone _had to pick up the work for him. And Zero had been left with that responsibility. For a whole. Fucking. Year.

Drowning in work. Drowning in too many fucking responsibilities for one man to handle. His greatest supporter - his pillar of strength - had abandoned him to this. No one to talk to. No one to save him.

No wonder Zero is so thin, so exhausted and haggard - his vitality sucked from him, his spark, his fire… his very being has been leeched from him by these relentless Council members, by the work, by his crippling sense of responsibility to the people, by the lack of love in his life -

"I'll be glad to get a break from this, even for one night - if that's how long Ichijou's willing to have us. They're unlikely to send all of these _classified _files out of the Castle, so at least I'll finally get a good rest."

"I can't believe he left you," Ichiru blurts out before he can stop himself. He eyes the stacks of papers like they're deadly things, not just piles of dead tree. It's utterly ludicrous to think that Zero - _Zero _of all people - has been shackled to this kind of a life, which he can scarcely believe… _Kaname - _"I… I -!" speechless with anger, Ichiru pulls out Kaname's note paper and is about to rip it -

It's the only thing of Kaname he can _destroy_ and in his anger it seems to be the right thing to do -

"_Don't!" _Zero swipes it from him, his fingers burning from contact with the thing he isn't meant to see. It's probably a guarding-spell against unwanted persons reading it, he thinks briefly, because as soon as he drops the paper the pain vanishes. Ichiru makes to grind his heel on it but Zero stops him - "Leave it! It's over - it's too late. It's happened, Ichiru - _please_," he begs, clutching his elbows, "We need him," his eyes burn into Ichiru's, _finally_ burning with that familiar flame, "We need him."

Without another word of protest he retrieves the paper and slips it back in his pocket where it's nice and safe. This action tones down the drama in the room a touch, enough so that the brothers finally notice how loudly they have been talking compared to the silence.

For Zero, he's taken aback by how his last three words ring in his head, over and over.

_We need him. We need him._

So hollow he feels, as if the words were gouged out of him against his will; the harrowing, floating sensation of emptiness you get after throwing up. He shudders, hands flying up to hide his burning face in shame. Ichiru says nothing, but his eyes are like daggers - no, more like tender fingers poking into a fresh wound. He doesn't mean to hurt Zero, but he does with his kindness.

Just like Kaname.

…Zero shuffles over to the chair, blindly groping the air for the armrests to situate himself, and then he sits heavily with a grimace.

"Damn, you're right, I'm skin and bones," he grunts, rubbing his bottom, "I've got no ass to speak of," squirming on his seat - which had done _nothing _to cushion his rump.

"There's something you're sitting on, hang on-" he tugs the envelope from under Zero's bum and pulls another letter out of it.

"What is it?"

"An... another invitation," Ichiru scans the letter - it dawns on him that the letter they'd already read from Ichiru had been tucked inside this _official _one. This invitation was written on top-quality, thick paper; embossed and fancy with the Ichijou seal at the top - it was a formal invitation to the Ichijou Manor in exactly a week and a half.

"So Takuma wants us to come earlier and stay on for this… _event?"_ Zero already has his face scrunched up in distaste at the prospect of a social function. He will have to attend - being Kaname's representative. The only saving grace is that there's no way he'll let Ichiru leave him there alone - he'll drag him down there too.

"Seems like it. Doesn't really say what the event is about. He's done that thing where you fill up the page with so many niceties and crap that you feel obligated to go when you read it… but at the same time you have no bloody clue what he's on about," Ichiru grins, handing it over to Zero.

"Yes… it's a summoning, of sorts," Zero can tell after years of experience de-coding the upper-class' exhausting letter writing, "He's probably sent this to other Officials. Only a few, I'm guessing."

"It's probably a big deal then, but not anything he wants the public to know."

"That would suggest not _Officials _then - people Takuma trusts… which includes us. So we'll be going then."

Ichiru nods, his hand slipping to his pocket - nothing. Kaname's silence is taken for approval. He nods again.

"I suppose… we'll have to pack our stuff again," Zero makes a face, glaring at the bags they packed, "Unfortunately, even if it's just Ichijou, we can't be seen walking around in our jeans and T-shirts. Gotta get out the suits."

Ichiru wrinkles his nose and shudders.

"_Suits._"

**_*^*^*~in silence and tears~*^*^*_**

"Oi, since when did you become such a bloody… _fashionista_?"

"Oh _shut up_, you have to wear a suit and that's that."

Ichiru hasn't shut up about the suits since the previous day.

He's driving Zero spare, on top of the fact that he's jittery with nerves - he's feeling quite sick now. He's not left his glamorous prison since Kaname ran off, so the prospect of being outdoors is somewhat daunting. He's just returned from giving his response to the invitation… as well as that, he informed the Guard Captain that he _and his brother _were leaving for Ichijou Manor this morning, and though the Captain hadn't reacted to this late announcement, other than to straighten up a little and nod sharply…

Zero felt like he was _flying._

He hadn't felt so free in such a long time that honestly - Ichiru's whinging was background noise and might be the only thing anchoring him to the Earth. It was almost unbelievable - that in three days his entire life had changed for the better. How rare an occurrence that was.

Zero didn't even care that he'd been working steadily through paperwork since yesterday to make up for taking this little trip - he sailed through the piles of paper mindlessly - and Ichiru, of course, lent a hand too. Between the two of them they got through almost everything but one last chunk of proposals, which Zero decided _would _come along with them - to justify his absence and just _look _good to the Council that he was keeping up the pretence of working.

By now though, Ichiru was beyond bored - he'd given up on doing work criminally early and was sprawled on top of both their suitcases bemoaning the unfairness of formal attire.

"…hang myself with the bloody tie. They're basically glorified _nooses_…"

"_Will you shut up?"_

More amused than anything, he flips through the next document and takes a sip of tea.

"I agree, surely you've run out of complaints by now?" Zero teases, signing off the lease and cursing at the tiny spillage at the corner of the page where he rested his cup… he wipes it off and flips to the next document. What's a little stain gonna matter to anyone?

"… you agree to what, nii-san?"

"Hmm?" he shoots a questioning look at Ichiru, whose head is twisted uncomfortably to peer up at him with a similarly confused frown. "What did you say?"

"To _what_ are you agreeing?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Neither do I."

"Let's end this conversation then, shall we?"

Ichiru shrugs, mouth pursing briefly. He's obviously miffed by something, but Zero's too content at the moment to want to ask what it is. "You talk so posh now, nii-san."

This, Zero cannot refute - he curls his lip, "Yeah, blame my elocution instructor."

Ichiru's jaw drops, "You're kidding."

He chooses not to answer that - instead he tries to focus on the document at hand. It's equally as dull as the others, written in the same type of swirly scribble - but it's not written by a hand he knows. _Really_, Zero despairs, _when _did he start becoming such a handwriting expert? He recognises each of the twelve Council members' handwriting styles, plus the regular dignitaries and other leaders - that's the only benefit of everything being done by hand rather than computer - he can guess what it's going to be about from nothing more than a glance.

So this is from someone new.

The Council runs other offices, though most of the things Zero has to sign get filtered up through these to reach the top, so he doesn't really get to see anything but the finalised stuff from anyone other than the top members themselves. Maybe this got through them.

It doesn't look like anything special, so Zero quickly loses interest and packs up the rest of the papers to go. He'll do them at Takuma's when he feels guilty enough.

As he moves the stack to the side, the invitation from Takuma slips from underneath the pile. He picks it up.

After thinking long and hard about everything last night and examining both invitations again, Zero can't help but notice several things that are subtly yet distinctly out of character for Takuma. The lack of sentiment and warmth in his tone isn't the problem - he's lost most of that familiar warmth in his personality altogether, so its absence in written form isn't significant. What Zero picks up on though is that the ambiguities of some of his coded messages are too enigmatic for him to unravel, and his prose are short - as if he can't order his thoughts clearly on the page.

He remembers what Kaname told him about the effects of a broken Bond - how it preys differently on different people and irreversibly changes you. Takuma is already lost - all they can do is watch as he deteriorates. It's one of the saddest things he's ever had to witness.

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Was it about the suits?"

"Y-"

"Then no," Zero cracks his knuckles and lets out a huge breath, bending forwards so he can ruffle his hair affectionately, "Buckle up, Chup-a-chup. Formal wear is _expected_."

Ichiru opens his mouth to protest - but then he yelps, digging his fingers into this pocket, he quickly scans Kaname's message and stuffs it back before Zero can get a look.

"He says we're gonna need to get your suit re-tailored-"

"Oh _piss off_," - the bloody cheek of that man - Zero's not going to let it ruin good mood, but he can't ignore Kaname either - and so he stomps over to the suitcases and rips them open to prove him wrong. The packing is undone in seconds and he carefully pulls out the navy tux out of its plastic wrap. The last time he wore it was at the last New Year's party they attended at Aidou and Kain's two years previously. Running his hands over the fabric, Zero takes a moment to appreciate the quality of the cloth.

And then he starts to strip.

"Fuck's sake - you really don't need to do that-"

"Go get the measuring tape. Top drawer, on the right."

"Zer-"

"_Now_, Ichiru," he snaps, hopping out of his pants, "We've not got all morning."

Ichiru brings the tape - and Zero can't help but remember… all those years ago, at the very start of his _greatest_ adventure - he'd been freaking out over a rather scenario involving tailored suits, only it had been for Kaname's Coronation… and Takuma had taken charge of getting Zero his first very own measured and fitted tux.

He digs under the navy tux and finds that very suit - the one he'd worn to the Coronation - still in perfect condition.

"Put it on."

As soon as he shakes out the folds, Zero knows he's going to need to get it re-fitted. There's no question about it - he's going to look like a kid drowning in his dad's clothes with the way the jacket hangs on his skeletal frame. He doesn't want to prove this, but at the same time he's curious to see for himself exactly how much smaller he has become.

The shirt didn't technically need to be buttoned - he could have whipped it on over his head - but for the sake of not wrinkling it up, he puts it on correctly. Next, the pants -

"Oh my god-" Ichiru chokes out. The belt does nothing - his legs vanish under the fabric. It almost looks like he's floating between his ankles and his waist, and Zero has to hold the trousers up with one hand, a deep scowl on his face. There's no point on even trying the jacket. Zero's not keen on seeing how his shoulders have narrowed - for some reason that would be the most disappointing thing to see. He's never liked his legs much, or thought much of his body - but he'd liked his shoulders. They had been broad at one point - square and muscular and sharp.

Now they were completely shrouded by his bunched up shirt sleeves and slumped in defeat.

"Get the tape."

At first Ichiru has no idea what to do, so he measures _everything - _ankles, wrists, throat - he thinks he's being very thorough, but Zero clearly doesn't, so he gets clocked around the head and told to do it right. It takes a lot of fiddling around and repeating a few to be sure, but eventually they manage to get all the measurements scribbled down. Then, as Ichiru starts winding the tape -

"Oh my."

- the door opens and Rima stumbles in with a maid at her side, looking not much different from the last time they saw her, other than her having had her hair cut stylishly to follow her jaw-line. Her eyes flit between the two brothers, twinkling in amusement, and she can't repress a rather coy smile.

"Toya-san," Ichiru greets politely, striding over to take her hand. She bows neatly and turns to greet Zero warmly. Like Shiki, her quiet nature is more agreeable to Zero, and the years of knowing her has lessened his uncertainty in calling her a friend.

"The car is outside," she informs them, bowing again before turning to leave.

Zero calls back the maid and shows her to the suitcases whilst unabashedly shedding the tux in front of them, "Ichiru, give her the measurements," he dresses swiftly and hands the maid the suit, "Get all of these suits re-fitted according to these and sent to Ichijou's Manor by the afternoon - are you ready?" he asks Ichiru, catching him going over the measurements with a frown. Zero rolls his eyes, "Yeah, I was wrong, okay? I'll get them re-fitted. Happy now?"

Ichiru opens his mouth as if to placate Zero's snark, but he glances at the maid and changes his mind.

"What, what is it?"

"…nothing," he shoots him a cheeky grin, "Nothing. Let's get outta here."

**_*^*^*~in silence and tears~*^*^*_**

"Seriously, what was that before?"

Ichiru huffs - he'd been waiting for Zero to press him for what he'd been about to say. They were in the car still, well into the journey to Takuma's. Rima was napping across both their laps, and Zero was idly fiddling with her short tawny locks. Though you could see he was far away in thought, he was still very much in the car with them - his attention was easily sprung on Ichiru, spinning a moment of peaceful reflection into an impromptu interrogation.

"It's really nothing important," Ichiru insists, already preparing himself for another imminent _you're-such-an-idiot _slap around the head.

Zero's eyes narrow, "It's about the measurements."

"Yes it is, but it's nothing to worry about."

"I know I've lost weight."

"You've about _halved _in size-"

"It was bound to happen-"

"You should have noticed this-"

"_Give me_ - the measurements…" Zero deflates, remembering himself telling Ichiru to give them to the maid. He could have slapped himself, "Alright then, _tell me_ what's wrong about them. You must remember."

Ichiru shakes his head, "It's _nothing. _Stop getting so worked up on nothing - we're almost there," he sits up a little, jostling Rima awake. She slides back into her own seat as if she'd never been asleep, and surely enough, they are soon swallowed up by an avenue of lollipop-shaped green topiary trees. The driveway to the Manor is long and winding, and by the time they get there, the greenery has flushed out Zero's urge to pester Ichiru with questions and replaced it with calm.

… like taking a deep breath of fresh air.

It's not the sort of place you'd expect to a deeply depressed recluse to be living in.

It's too bright and airy, too fresh and green. Those who don't know about Shiki and don't know Takuma well are easily convinced by the carefully pruned topiary trees and perfectly maintained lawn that the Master of this house must be in as good condition himself. All Zero sees is a massive cover-up, maybe at most - this is a distraction to keep Takuma from falling under. He knows for a fact that the grounds are not kept by a groundskeeper, but by Takuma himself - he drives the lawnmower and trims the trees and washes the patio…

But as they walk up the path to the entrance, Zero notices that some of the trees are a little out-grown, the grass is high in some areas and a little yellow in others.

Something isn't right.

Rima hops out of the car as soon as it stops and brushes off her skirt demurely, "I'll go tell him you've arrived," she announces - and it's then that it clicks with Zero that Rima has become Takuma's assistant or PA (or carer, his mind darkly suggests) sometime in the past year.

He must be getting worse much faster.

Suddenly he doesn't want to see him - he doesn't want to see what Takuma has become like. If the state of his lawn reflects his own wellbeing, he doesn't want to see it.

But Ichiru is there - transfixed by the beauty of the place - for it is still beautiful, despite these minor flaws. The gardens have a wild, untamed look about them. It's nice... it even reminds Zero of the 'jungle gardens' back at the Castle. Takuma might have let it go a bit… but maybe it's not as bad as Zero thinks - maybe it's a sign that he's moving onto other things now. He no longer has to distract himself with caring for his plants and is spending his time doing more important things.

He tries to convince himself it's for these reasons that the vines are growing wild over the trellis, covering windows and eating into the brick mortar, enveloping half the building in green.

The front door opens to admit Rima, and there is movement in the shadows - the way it moves tells him it is Takuma waiting in the hallway for them, hidden by the door and the darker interior. He won't come to meet them, and as soon as Zero gets a foot out of the car he knows why - the camera flashes erupt behind him - he blinks rapidly, eyes watering.

"Go, Zero - _go_."

Ichiru pushes him ahead, herding him to the door quickly - the noise rushes in behind them - Zero stumbles over the threshold and struggles to catch his breath.

There is a moment of silence, and then a thin, reedy chuckle.

"Goodness, wasn't that _horrible?"_

It's Takuma who spoke - he knows it is him - but his voice is so raspy and dry like he's been wandering in a desert for years. Zero winces at the sound, but forces a chuckle too in answer. He doesn't know what to say to him. Guilt hangs over his head - he feels the need to confess to Takuma about not going to Shiki's grave, but is there any point? It'll just make things worse.

"Let's have some tea, shall we?"

They all shuffle after Takuma - following by ear, rather than sight - for it is dark inside the Manor. Not just a little bit dim - most of the rooms house valuable artwork, or so goes the reason that the darkness is to protect them from sunlight (as well as for saving energy costs - they only light the rooms they want to use) - Zero can't see much past his own nose. He grabs Ichiru's arm for balance, as they emerge into the (barely) lit sitting room.

The first thing he notices is that Takuma is wearing robes - long, thick robes. They're quite beautiful, but not what he expected, since Takuma is like them with his preferences - he'd prefer to lounge around in comfy pyjamas than dress up for no reason. So what was the reason for this? As he turns around, Zero is taken aback by… well, _everything _about Takuma.

He is nothing like the bright young man he was before - there isn't a bit of happiness in him, as his eyes are truly sunken in, and he is so pale he could pass as a Kiryuu. There are still traces of his old self though, if Zero looks hard enough to see them - pieces of Takuma that cannot fade away. His mouth trembles in an attempt to speak or smile, as if he cannot make up his mind which to do, and his beautiful green eyes are still full of kindness. Zero is struck by the resemblance he shares with Isaya - his beloved Father. They could be twins.

They share more similarities than their looks, he realises - they are both widowed and suffering for their losses. Zero feels a pang of shame, for even though he suffers Kaname's absence - he at least knows he's _alive. _He still has that comfort.

As if he can hear his thoughts, Ichiru squeezes his hand in support.

"You're looking… uh," Takuma's mouth quirks uneasily. He's too honest a person to lie about what he sees, but too kind to insult Zero outright on his appearance - so obviously, he's stumped on what to say.

"Like death," Zero offers with a smirk and a roll of his eyes, "I know how I look, Takuma. Don't bother - my brother has taken it upon himself to get me fattened up."

"Ah, that's good," his eyes flicker to Ichiru curiously, but not in surprise. He knew about him already being with Zero, but there's something telling in his eyes that show that he knows something _else_ - "You could stand to gain a few pounds, certainly," he stammers awkwardly, "You can, of course, help yourself to whatever you want in this house. Are you hungry?"

Zero shakes his head, "I'm more interested in knowing why you've called us here. The… _gala, _or whatever the hell that bloody social is, isn't happening for another week and a half. Is there something urgent?"

"So suspicious, Zero-kun," Takuma waves the serving girl carrying their tea in, "Can't I just be eager to see you again? It's been a while since we last spoke, my friend."

"It has, but you're just like Kaname," Zero watches the girl pour the tea and bow at each of them before leaving, "You always have other reasons behind social gatherings, even amongst friends."

"Indeed, I do," he smiles blandly, sipping his tea. A whirl of steam obscures his face for a second, and by the next tick of the Grandfather clock's hand, the girl has left the room and shut the door behind her, "I just thought we needed to have a little chat about some things, face-to-face." _In private_, his eyes say, flitting to the door and back at Zero meaningfully.

Zero nods, standing and walking around the room - he runs his hand over the walls, brushing around the perimeter till he's back at his starting point. Over the years, some tricks have rubbed off on him - such as securing an area against unwanted ears. Kaname taught him that.

How ironic. He wonders if Kaname can watch them through the protective wards. It wouldn't be surprising if he can.

"Excellent," Takuma leans forwards, his posture getting right down to business, "So let's talk about Kaname then, shall we? Let's talk about _this_," he pulls a slip of paper from his sleeve, "And about what his Majesty _wants._"


End file.
